i decided that i could put off being heartbroken for a while. i have felt cared for & liked by, but i have not been loved thoroughly. they all had their ideas of what being loved was like & i did not seem to have figured out what my idea of it was. i cannot be this sad & naive. i need to be hurt by a man properly; like his only desire in life was to rip me into tiny shreds & piece me back together with hot melted wax. i am exhausted by all his little excuses to protect me because he has not the guts to burn me.
i am not ready to be heartbroken. he will need a lot more courage to make me love him like how a dog still loves a temperamental owner. there is so much left of me that i will throw into loneliness & depression. what i have left is not for him. he will not receive it.